In our game and movie cabinet, I recently came upon the complete Cosby Show series. As a kid I loved it. As an adult, I continue to have a soft spot in my heart for the Huxtable family. Just like I tuned in for years to NPR’s Prairie Home Companion to listen to the News from Lake Wobegone, or turned to one of my faith heroes Jean Vanier, for inspiration. I still enjoy these bits of wit and wisdom, though I find that they have become somewhat tainted, off-limits; changed because of the allegations that have come out in past years. And that is real–things have changed. Where do we go from here?
Maybe you have found yourself in this position, too–wondering how or if you can ever return to a place you knew, a source of joy or wisdom figure you sought; or at least a place of peace–knowing what we know now? Perhaps you have even wondered if your own life would measure up to public scrutiny in this current climate? I know I have.
Are we only as good as our best days? If not, what of the rest of our lives? Does a bad choice/litany of bad choices negate all else that we have to offer?
Right or wrong, this stark, automatic shut down mentality has been long in coming, and is (at least in part) the result of ‘cancel culture.’ According to dictionary.com, “Cancel culture refers to the popular practice of withdrawing support for (canceling) public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive. Cancel culture is generally discussed as being performed on social media in the form of group shaming.” Ultimately this comes from a place of activism, I think, and speaking truth to power certainly has its place. In a country where money talks, it is an effective means of making a statement and shutting folks down.
But just which statement are we making, I wonder?
Big Questions
I have been asking myself big questions for a while now, particularly in the wake of the rioting that took hold after George Floyd’s death (and so many others). These events have called into question those elected to contemporary positions of authority and the lives of leaders that we have memorialized as a country. In the process, statues that have been toppled, schools and landmarks re-named; in many cases wrestling with how to proceed in hopes of elevating the lives of those living by exemplary standards while denigrating those whose choices have reflected (repentant and unrepentant) bad judgment, unethical decision making, harm to others, etc.
“We do better when we know better.”
Who honestly has not had to take this to heart this year and learn/unlearn/re-learn things, and ask forgiveness for things we ought to have known all along? Without a doubt, these are difficult and important questions to ask. Hear me say that. It is more than good to question the attributes of good leadership, to hold up those who meet and model high standards and to include the names of those whose good moral character has been either culturally or historically overlooked. Just as it is crucial to hold folks accountable for practicing acts of violence, coercion, hate, deceit, racism, manipulation, etc. There is no shortage of examples where silence or greed around these kinds of unspeakable acts have played out and done harm to all involved: Fraud, embezzlement, blatant disregard for human life, the sex abuse scandal in the Church, within the media, among politicians, etc.
As if that’s not muddy enough, here is where things start to get complicated, particularly if you are of the Christian persuasion:
We hold tightly to the belief that we are not defined by our worst act.
Sister Helen Prejean and Bryan Stevenson who have been working tirelessly with those on death row for decades, name the same belief: “We are more than our worst act.” They have been highly criticized for speaking mercy in instances where it has and has not been ‘deserved.’ Why? Because we are uncomfortable and unpracticed at lavishing undeserved mercy. Maybe because it is easier to watch from a distance (Dead Man Walking, Just Mercy) than to apply mercy in our own lived experiences or to those around us. Maybe this is so because we have not experienced it ourselves. We sleep soundly, assured by the fact that they ‘deserve’ it. And, if the tables were turned, we too, would find ourselves begging for the grace of undeserved mercy.
“Justice is getting what you deserve. Mercy is not getting what you deserve. Grace is getting what you don’t deserve.“
No answers
In no way do I mean to suggest that everyone should get an automatic do-over, to move forward as though nothing of significance has happened. That is the textbook definition of insanity. What I will say is that there is a cost associated with throwing out the assigned value of a person (their inherent dignity) based on their inability to live in a state of moral perfection. At this rate, there will come a day when no one will be left standing on the moral high ground–and not because we are intrinsically bad. It is simply because we are not God, and therefore find ourselves dependent upon the necessity of giving and receiving grace.
(This is why the practice of Confession/Reconciliation has the status of Sacrament in the Catholic tradition: It is an outward sign of an experienced grace that we will need over and over again until we die.)
As Christians, we cannot simply “cancel” those who have disappointed us, or even those we have found ourselves disgusted by. We can dialogue, critique, cancel our subscription to an organization, pray for conversion (our own included), and bust our butts to communicate grace and mercy by our lives, but it is audacious and heretical to dis-assign value to a human life in the name of ethics.
“Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, [and] from now on do not sin any more.” -John 8: 6b-11
Plenty of opportunities for growth
I am finding it difficult in this era of fear, accusations, and political campaigns where comments can be flung carelessly and anonymously in seconds, to feel as though something is not being lost in translation. Sure it’s easy to cite Scripture and write people off as saints (or crazy), but in this increasingly post-Christian America, is there room for grace? And if there is, where and with whom is it to be found?
There is too much at stake to operate in an all or nothing mentality where we cannot even live up to our own standards. Can we always do better? That goes without saying. And it is crucial for each of us, leaders or not, to operate in a way that is respectful and worthy of trust, to act with integrity, and an expectation of accountability. Or, I suspect as people of faith we will quickly find ourselves irrelevant if our instincts are not first and foremost to recognize the array of image-bearers in our midst, inconveniently broken and wrapped in flesh, like us. I recognize that it is an especially contentious election year and practicing this will be especially hard. And I believe that we can do hard things.
Come Holy Spirit.
I really only love God as much as I love the person I love the least. -Dorothy Day
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